Whelp, it’s 2024.
New year, new me. Or something like that. I feel extremely restless and stuck at the same time. And it doesn’t feel good. I feel very stagnant, specifically in Sex Work. I still enjoy it, but I feel stuck. Like I’m to old to be “young”, I’m to young to be “old” (or a “Milf”). I’m to chubby to be thin, but to thin to be a plus size girl. I feel very in-between everything. I also have grown out of the name “Charlie” and feel like changing my name, but worried my favourites won’t find me if I do, and the annoyance from changing from a “established” name. What do you think? Name change? I want something a bit more Fem, I have one in mind but won’t say till I’m certain. Charlie was a good time, but after two years, I want a name that’s a bit more, serious? I want to settle into a long-term name as I wasn’t sure how long I’d do this line of work, and I’d like to do this work for as long as possible; even on the side if I get a “normal” job again.
What’s the plan for this year? Honestly, I have no idea. It’s just going to be head down in the gym for a while. I’m over being stuck as chubby; don’t worry to my curvy lovers, I will always be a curvy girl just due to genetics. While I’m fine with my body (mostly), I have to be realistic with the recession going on and need to be a bit more “traditional” and “marketable”. And while I don’t mind being more “niche”, I like to be able to afford food too. As it’s quiet season now, it’s noticeably a lot more quiet than last year, and the pinch is noticed. Which I don’t think people realise how much I work – or how little really. While I’d love to do higher volume of work, the reality is I’m too niche due to the reasons listed above. The reality is I only do 3-5 jobs a week on average, I could technically do more, but jesus christ the txt messages are god awful and barely anyone reads my ad so that cuts the amount down by 95%. So, I’m “low volume”. While I could be accepting more work on less acceptable txt inquiries, it usually makes for a less than great experience for me, and honestly the money isn’t worth that for me. Basically, can read the level of respect in how you message me. While I wouldn’t mind doing agency work. There is no agencies I’d want to work from in Wellington at this point.
I’m also so, so, so over social media. Twitter is dead unless you pay, but even then the engagement is still absolute bullshit now. Instagram is so bloody prudish and basically all of my posts get flagged for sexual something and then you go into the sin bin for a while and no growth for ages. And well BlueSky is… Not doing anything. I’m on the verge of just giving up on social media entirely, however it seems like clients like to see social media history to verify a worker? So, I’m reluctant to get rid of it. My website seems to be the only worth while investment. Pretty much all my favourites and regulars have mentioned they looked at my site - which hello! And thank you. Wellington itself I’m over completely as well, I’ve out grown Wellington, but Auckland is the only other viable option and well… It’s Auckland lol. So, no. Touring is so expensive too, I would jump around the country but it’s basically gambling at this point with the recession. Hotels for two nights, a nice one, is about $600, flights roughly $200, food $150 ish. That’s almost 1k off the bat with no guarantee you make it back, or profit, specially in the smaller towns. So, when I get txts saying “come to X town”, I’m like sure but I need three guaranteed bookings, but the pre-book cancel rate for touring is insane. Touring is: One, bloody expensive. Two, I have a life, and touring – as a ND brain, is really disruptive to routine. Although, in saying that, if Paihia was more accessible, I’d be there monthly. Any Sugar Daddies in Paihia? Lol.
So, yeah, I feel stuck. I don’t have the money or resources to make any move in any direction currently, and that is so frustrating. There’s also like no career progression? Can’t really progress up any career hoe ladder. Can’t really Hoe Harder haha. Unless I get a serious Sugaring client, that buys me a house and a breast reduction lol. But that’s as far-fetched as winning lotto, and I’m really not waiting for either. So, for the mean time in this strange transition period, I’m just gyming hard. I’ve already dropped 4-5Kgs since start of Jan. So, I’m very serious about this loosing weight part. It also feels really good, I’m seeing the results already, I’m very happy and just generally enjoying the gym immensely again. It took awhile to get in the flow of things again, but now it’s my highlight of the day. I lost interest in it for a while, even though I was still going, it was a chore, now it’s what I look forward to. And, it’s been at least a few years since I felt that way. I also discovered I like sewing, so I found a new hobby to keep me busy, and it feels great to engage that old brain in something creative again. There’s a Fashion Couture exhibition in Auckland by Guo Pei currently I really want to go to. So, I will definitely be in Auckland in the near future at some point. Not sure if it will be just a day trip, or an overnight work trip at this point.
But that’s basically it. Just. Stuck? I guess. I’m hoping something will spark some sort of movement. But I don’t know what that looks like yet. I'll be as surprised as you when I update you about it when it happens lol.
Stay safe, stay sane x